Losing It!

That seems to be the general theme of student life here on campus this week. Although, I'm not one to judge. The combination of stress, writing drafts, depressing episode of Glee, and the never-ending Mothers' Day advertisements ultimately culminated in my own exclamations of "I'm losing it!". I mostly directed this towards myself (typical self-destructive Scorpio, much?) but I apologize if it's affected anyone else. It's a really shitty time of year... seriously. And I ask that everyone think positively and try to minimalize anger. PLEASE!

On another, not much more happy, note, I've started reading this awesome book (as usual). It's called No one belongs here more than you. And it's by new author Miranda July. I HIGHLY suggest it as a read. It's not a novel but a collection of short stories, so you can take a break and just read a story a night or something.

Anywho, I'm anxiously waiting for the end of this semester to be over. Namely, the next 70ish hours...

Everything is Illuminated

"But like his life, he couldn't for the life of him lose the note. It kept returning to him. It stayed with him, like a part of him, like a birthmark, like a limb, it was on him, in him, him, his hymn: I had to do it for myself."

- Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer

I just finished what I would say is the best piece of literature written in the past couple of decades (and of what I've read/heard about). It. is. amazing. I've never been so captivated and engrossed in a book before and I've NEVER enjoyed re-reading a book... until I met this one.

So, yes. If you haven't already, please go check this book out (remember, buy secondhand!)

Have you laughed so hard it hurts today?

Actually... I haven't! Maybe you could help me with that? (p.s. physical comedy cracks me up!)

Oh come on, you chickens, ask me stuff.

How you doin'?

Alright I suppose... It's just one of those days where I'm like "Why did I even wake up?!" Bargh.

Oh come on, you chickens, ask me stuff.

Is the phrase "in the pines, in the pines," from a song?

Yep! It's one of my favorite songs that Nirvana has done. Check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKT1P7x_Pzo

Ask me anything

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Ask me anything http://formspring.me/sierramp

Dream: Heart of Jade

I had this terrible, terrible, terrible dream last night. I only remember bits and pieces of it, almost like skipping forward several scenes in a film. I remember being in a house, a large, expensive, luxurious home. For some reason or another, I was there with my foster family (who had long since given me up). Then I got into an argument with my current roommate and retreated, crying, to the arms of my boyfriend as my foster family continued their debate over what name brand designer was truly most fashionable.

The dream then shifts to me going to the mall with my boyfriend. I then run into an old high school friend who I had also scheduled to meet at the mall... same time, same place. He was upset, said he'd go to another store and then left (that was the last I saw of him). I then went into a shoe store and saw these bizarre pairs of flats that were very bjork-esque... they were of swans and flamingos. As I was admiring these unique soles, my boyfriend drew my attention to this jewelry display box. In this clear box were several pieces of jewelry: earrings, necklaces, (charm) bracelet, and something else. Each piece had deep green jade set in it. The earrings were square pieces of jade. The necklace was a heart-shaped piece of jade (with a black keyhole painted on it), and the bracelet had a jade house charm hanging from it. "Pick one," he told me. I looked at him over my shoulder, "really?" To this, he nodded. I focused on each piece of metallic and stone beauty. "I can't." I said. "What, why not?" I looked at all this beauty trapped in a plastic, locked prison. "You pick." I told him. He seemed confused, so I explained further "Whatever piece you pick to give me... I will love it. But not as much as you." He smiled and then asked an employee if they had a chain for the heart of jade.

And then I woke up.

Sicky Poo

Blegh. I'm sick. My head is pounding and I keep sneezing and I'm all congested.

Way to go body! At least you picked an opportune time to start failing, considering all the rest of my classes today and tomorrow are cancelled! I think I might just lay around watching movies or something. Any suggestions for good foreign films?

Oh Comely...

"Oh Comely, I will be with you when you lose your breath

Chasing the only meaningful memory you thought you had left

Of some pretty, bright, and bubbly terrible scene

That was doing her thing on your chest."

-- "Oh Comely" by Neutral Milk Hotel

I have this innate fear that I'm going to drown in the thoughts of my past. Grasping, clutching, dragging, pulling me down... I want nothing more than to forgive and forget and move on with my life! But, that is so much easier said than done. In this, I am mostly referencing my own family issues. As my (unwise) father said to me, via email, "family issues run deep... mind your own business" but I can't. I can't just ignore and give up on my family. Blood connects us and curse is present.

I recently reconnected with an aunt that I didn't know I had. Additionally, I found I have 4 other paternal uncles. I told my father about the brunch I had with my newfound aunt and my wonderful boyfriend, and was only criticized and lectured. It's not like he calls me anyways, so I wasn't too surprised to be technologically chewed out... In any case, this woman seems extremely loving and I am so happy to have some new family in my life. I'm trying to let go of the terrible shit my father has done, but I hold strong grudges.

Why am I thinking about this all now? Well, I ended up spending Easter Sunday with my boyfriend and his family. I tried to not think about my lack of family, but it all snowballed down when I looked at various people of his family: his cousin, aunt, and mother sitting at the table laughing and playing cards, he, his brother, another cousin, and sister, all lying in various states of sleep-induced disarray. These simple things are all that I want. I just want to rewind time 10 years to when my mom would take us out to Taylor, TX. Obnoxious, noisy games of dominoes. Fresh cooked cornbread. Laughter. Happiness. Love and joy. I started thinking about all these things I missed and all these things I want. Suddenly, I found my eyes being blurred by jealousy and sadness. But I pushed it all away. It's not my time to have it now. But I will someday.

First Blog (again).

Well, here's my attempt again: to keep a steady blog (like people actually care).

I guess this will be more for ranting purposes than anything else. Ha. But here we go, Rond Trois (ou Quatre ou Cinq... j'ai oublie...). :-P

Here's to new beginnings and new starts and new happiness!

P.S: "Without love our lives are without meaning. Love is the heart of the matter. When all else has fallen away, love sustains."

-- bell hooks